Whatif… Cosmic Connections Exist?
Recently I had to let my 16-year-old Yorkie cross the Rainbow Bridge. 16 years is a long time (also… not long enough). I brought him home when I was 29. Now I’m 45. He came with me to work at the end of my first career, made it through my MBA program, my PhD program, and approximately 7 years of faculty life.
From the moment I brought him home, that little booger was imprinted on me. We were connected in a way I can’t quite describe. Throughout his life, we flew together, we drove places together, he came with me just about any place I could – including places I probably wasn’t supposed to (restaurants and grocery stores). He was so happy to nestle in his little bag and come along with me. He was – for most of his life – in my lap or attached to me in some way. When he was younger, he would spend hours asleep in my arms on his back, allowing me to cradle him like a baby.
I knew he was declining (in part because he no longer liked to be held and no longer spent so much time in my lap), and his little body finally sort of gave out at the end. I got to hold him and he and I were both surrounded by people that loved him (and who took very good care of me as well) at his vet/boarding/grooming facility.
And like any pet owner, coming home is hard. Knowing you’ll never smell their little heads, watch them play and frolic, never walk them again. And for me – it is the first time in 16 years I honestly kind of don’t know what to do with myself. Every decision during his life started for me with “Because of Einstein, I can/can’t do…..”.
As I let the “feral animal that is grief have its way with me”, I find that I go through periods of intense despondency as well as these strange periods of calm and peace. I’m currently sitting on an airplane, and I have this very present sense that for the first time in 16 years that dog is traveling WITH me.
Let’s talk quantum entanglement. This is the physics principle that basically – (sorry to all of the physicists who understand this in a deeper way) every particle that makes up life is connected to every other particle. We are all descended from stardust and we are all connected whether we realize it or not.
As I sit here on this flight, feeling in some substantive way that Einstein is flying with me (in me? wrapped around my heart?), I can’t help but wonder if he and I were so connected that it went beyond his physical presence in my life.
It’s unique with animals. Our left hemisphere is what processes language and symbols. When we talk to another human being, for the most part, we are using that left hemisphere’s capability to interpret our understanding through language.
Animals don’t have that capability, however they are still deeply sentient beings. Just because we can’t communicate with them in the way our human brain best understands, doesn’t mean we’re not communicating. (How many of you have dogs that are very clear in when they want to eat, when they want treats, and identifying people they like and don’t like? Einstein could manipulate me in ways I never thought I could be manipulated because he was such a good communicator!)
Whatif… Einstein and I have always been cosmically connected? And his time on earth was like a guardian angel. He saw me through multiple very significant life transitions. And his physical body is gone – but our bond was so strong that we will always be connected? I think we can explain this – if we are willing to open our minds a bit.
They day after Einstein died, I was walking along a path in a nature preserve where I had never walked before. I walked about a mile, turned around and came back. On my way back (I know it wasn’t there the first time I walked by), there was a giant white feather in the middle of the path. You may have heard that when you see a feather it’s a sign from those who have passed. Even better, I took a picture of the feather, laughing to myself at Einstein’s antics. And as I turned around, right in front of me was a mini milk bone (which happened to be one of his favorite treats). Yes, I can give you some sort of disconnected explanation about the probability of those things being in my path – but isn’t it beautiful to think that he was with me and left me those signs to let me know he was ok and he was with me?
That same day, my mom called and said that one of her dogs, Wicked (with whom Einstein had a tenuous relationship), had been standing at the bottom of the stairs in their house barking for no reason at the upstairs bedrooms. She only did that when Einstein and I visited and stayed upstairs. Tell me that doesn’t warm your heart! He visited Grandma and irritated his nemesis Wicked in the same moment.
Maybe I’m wrong. All of these things could be explained through random chance. But Whatif… that story helps me process my grief? Whatif it is what allows me to feel at peace and to move on with life and to impact the world in other ways? Doesn’t it still serve a purpose to believe that we are cosmically connected?
I’m not suggesting every animal and human has the same connection. But if we open our minds a bit and let our human brain do what it likes to do most (make meaning out of things), isn’t this a beautiful way to make meaning of a deeply sad experience?
When Einstein was about 13, I brought home a small, old, frail Maltese named Sophie. Einstein was not pleased. But that sick, sweet girl lived with us for about a year. The day she passed, I came home and Einstein was the happiest he had been in a year. While he may not have appreciated that brief period of time with a sibling-dog, I believe Sophie was sent to me to prepare me for eventually letting my Einstein go. While she and I may not have exactly the same type of cosmic connection, she gave me a gift that allowed me to be even more present for Einstein’s end of life.
Whatif… there is such a thing as a cosmic connection? What might we miss if we dismiss this idea out of hand?