Whatif… A coach is just a friend on purpose?

We pay for coaches, we admire therapists, we read all the self-help books—but what if the most transformative support was just… being a better friend?

In the professional or leadership world, “coach” is still a relatively new concept. And while more people are growing comfortable with professional support roles like therapists, coaching is still not fully understood—or even accessible—to everyone.

I’ve been reading David Brooks’ How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Seen (highly recommend!), and in the section on how to be empathic when others are suffering, I realized: much of what he describes are the very skills coaches are taught. Unlike therapists, who are trained to help you unpack and rework life experiences, coaches are trained to serve as a support mechanism to help you navigate forward.

In particular, coaches learn to be present, co-regulate emotions, and help shift your mindset—broadening perspective first, then focusing in. Coaches aren’t trained to solve your problems (that’s a different skill set); we’re here to act as a mirror and a guide, offering tools for bigger-picture thinking, deeper connection, and tapping into your own humanity as you face life’s challenges.

But wait—isn’t that just… a really good friend?

After all, research consistently shows that people with the happiest lives have strong personal relationships with friends and family. Shouldn’t we just invest more in our friendships? Unfortunately, despite knowing the value of human connection for our physical and mental well-being, we live in what some call a “pandemic of loneliness”—marked by fewer long-term partnerships, smaller friend circles, and rising rates of isolation (which can literally shorten our lives).

In some ways, I think coaches are simply practicing the relational skills we once nurtured more naturally in friendships. But who has time to be a good friend? We’re overworked, drowning in information, and trying—often unsuccessfully—to keep up with the wellness tips from those polished Instagram reels.

As a coach, I practice these skills daily, and I deeply enjoy being a safe, empathic presence for others to work through their challenges. But there’s nothing secret or exclusive about what coaches do. These skills can be learned. They take intention and practice—but they’re available to all of us.

So, whatif a coach is just a friend?

What skills could you practice to be that kind of friend for others? And maybe, just maybe, we could spark a new kind of pandemic—one of human connection, built through presence and on purpose.